its been like a month since ive hournaled on here O.o oops. haha. i kinda got lost in the blur that is life. anywho. update. im out of school. im single. im happy. kinda. haha. mostly pretty happy. i think being single has done alot for me so far. no more relationships for me. buuut. i will go on dates. notihng past going on dates though. so yeah. now that im on summer break ive been working alot, trying to make better money. its working. tomorrow morning im going to start a habit of running every morning to get mysel finto better shape. ive been eating better lately, so running on top of better eating is going to do alot for me. so yeah. not much has been going on. i'll keep you guys posted on anything new.

so. im basically a big emotional rollercoaster. whoot. the most exciting part? i dotn even know whats wrong. yay me. ive just been really up and down the past few days. and it kinda pisses me off.. o well. it should pass.

i got back from the seattle area on the 18th of this month. one of the best trips ive gone on in a long time. i almost cry every time i think about it because i miss everyone alot. i miss my sister like crazy =[ but i'll see her in three weeks. but yeah.. so ever since ive been back, its been kinda hard. im trying to keep everything with aaron together. which is working. but then i go to school, and damnit, im sick of all the immature fuck ups that i sadly have to say i go to school with. seriously. like how sad is it when somenoe has to voluntarily insult me for his own pleasure. i dont get it. i guess if someone is that messed up of a person, that inconfident, then sure, but still, its kinda sad. i could care less. i just pity the poor fuck up. o well. im definately going to have a better future, thats what keeps me going. because i know he'll be a dead end. so i can smile at that. i just dont understand it though. ive gotten over things, ive grown up. i guess its not hat easy for everyone else? o well. its not worth my time to worry about it anymore.

on to my new obsession. the "Twilight" series, by author, Stephenie Meyer. probably a couple of the best books ive ever read. they are both about a love story between a girl, bella swan, and a vampire, edward. sounds kinda corny, but ive never had a book that ive related to like this before.. its kind of insane. i reccomend it to everyone! even if youre not into vampires ans stuff like that, i reccomend it. these books are wow.

but yeah. so my life has just been interesting for the past few days. itl get better, the optimistic part of me tells me so. so i dunno, i just need some time. love ya guys.

... since ive journaled on here. not too much has really happened honestly. but in the past two weeks, life has really kicked back up.

Mr.Tuacahn- a male pageant at my school. i got thrown into it at last minute. had to pick and organize a talent last minute. but it went well. i just played my violin in a duet with the music teacher. it went.... ok i guess.

boys- james asked for me back.... he must have balls. but, i turned him down. let him know that he is the root of alot of my problems, and that i have no feelings for him in any form. it was actually really nice and releiving. ummm, daniel and i are always on an edge.. but it seems to be calming down. and now, theres an amazing boy in my life. one that im sure will treat me right, and will actually benefit my life. i cant describe how good it feels. and i can tell he's different. its the first time ive been in something so mutual. and we just click. its really nice.

friends- still kinda on a 50 50 day to day thing.. but it seems to be getting better.

work. absolutely hate it. just about put my two week notice in tonight because i had an argument with my supervisor. i just cant take it anymore. fuck that shit. im so sick of it. theres too much stress for too little pay. its not worth it anymore to be so unhappy after every shift.

life in general- on a scale of one to ten. its about an eight. its going so well right now. i love being happy again. itsa good feeling. yay for wantng to be alive again. =]

ew... today is superbowl sunday. gag me with a rusty spoon and fuck me sideways.... =[.

ive been really reflective lately. just thikning about the past year non stop. you guys have had to read about alot of it. lucky you... haha. but i dunno. i sat and talked to a friend about the year since march. and when i timelined all of it. i surprised myself of how strong of a person i truly am. im surprised im not traumatized. it was such an eventful year. abusive relationships [not physically], loss of friends, loss of love, it sbeen so weird. im defiantely different than i was a year ago. but anyways...
Everything with casey fell through. we hun gout that one time, and he lead me on the whole way. a few days later, after talking about wanting a future with me, he completely dropped it all. said it didnt mean anything to him, but he still liked me. ugh. douchebag. so i had to deal with that, but it honestly wasnt that hard, im used to it happening.
So, new years... it was supposed to be fun. all i can say is that it pretty much sucked. dan went and made plans to make out with casey at midnight. that pissed me off. friends dont do that to eachother. so casey came and hung out with us. and mylinda, sherry, and i were instantly pissed at dan. midnight came, they didnt kiss. but as we were leaving.. they did. but o well. what happens happens. i got it worked out.
Il never understand guys.... i just wont. its not possible. i have alot to offer, but they never want anything to do with it, like im not good enough to be happy with someone. just being stuck with asshole after asshole. but im workin it out. im staying single. yes, ive said it before, but i really need a break from everything relationship wise.
anyways, that my update. ummm. so now, im feeling like crap. ive been sick for two weeks, and i think im running a fever. yay... o, and i have school tomorrow, wish me luck.

So, right now, life is ok. not all that bad. im gonna go over some of the event sof this last weekend.

-Friday-
First day of break. hung out with daniel. went out to eat and then saw Charlottes Web. WAY cute. just so you know. started to freak out because daniel gave me my christmas present which was a bracelet that i could tell he spent alot of money on. sent him a message saying i was freakin out. thats pretty much it.

-Saturday-
had to work at 12. got off work. heard that dan was in the hospital. didnt know why. i tried to find out. but noone would tell me. turns out that he had a minor heart attack. hes ok though. went and saw him at the hospital, then went and chilled with Casey for a bit and just talked for a long time. it was nice.

-Sunday--Christmas Eve-
didnt do too much. just kinda chilled out at home. broke all ties of a relationship off with daniel because i realized i didnt like him as much as he liked me. it wasnt working. had his best friend come to my house, bitch me out, and take the bracelet. its cool though. i wanted him to have it back. ended up going to my grandmas house. it was fun. went home.

-Monday-Christmas-
opened presents. messed with my new stuff. finished a painting. then went and talked to dan for a bit. then i went home. casey called. i talked to him for a little bit. well, more like an hour or two. haha. i got bored so i drove over to his house and we talked in my car for another two hours. it was really nice. then i went home and went to bed.

-Tuesday-today-
Got up. changed up my myspace. then went and kidnapped Casey from his house. did some shopping. went to the mall. then we went to a movie. The Holiday. wayyy cute. after that we met up with jessica at blue bunny. we went to the mall again [for the third damn time today....]. then casey's mom called him into work. sad. so we went and jess took me and Casey to my car at blue bunny. i drove Casey home. then i went and hung out with Beth and Nina. it was pretty fun. now im here at home.

-Feelings-
so, i feel bad about the whole dan situation. i basically broke up with him the day after he has a heart attack. buut. id rather be a cold bastard than a cold bitch. a bitch lies. but i told all the truth. and now i have a hate list. woohoo. but i dont give a shit. daniel knows how i feel, and thats all that matters.
Im getting excited about casey. hes an amazing guy. i can see something sprouting with him. which is weird because i didnt plan on falling for him. but im just going to see where it goes. but yeah... so life is ok. nothing to really complain about.. i just feel down tonight. but itl go away. its just because i feel lonely. haha. o well.